Sitting by the Lake Again

   Sitting, waiting to see if any writing wants to come.  There's only this presence with subtle thoughts arising in it.  The thoughts are weak and don't disturb the sense of silence, peace, stillness.  Even these qualities are seen to be perceived as objects or experiences withing the space of "emptiness" or indescribable essence that only becomes some thing or experience when thought splits and creates an object of perception.  As this is seen the experience melts into the indefinable. 

   There is a sense that the "I" thought is not appearing, is somehow in abeyance.  The arising of the "me" concept was seen very clearly last night while singing at a gathering of people and that seeing seems to have robbed the "I" sense of substance.  In this emptiness a sense of beauty and love arise, bringing the experience of fullness which paradoxically exists with and as the emptiness..... Such a freshness and clarity....

   It seems so essential to keep looking for oneself, not looking through others' words or concepts but discovering directly the weavings of reality by thought, understanding it by immediate seeing.  Maybe the pointings of others can inspire me to look in certain directions, question things in a certain way, and then the looking has to become direct and pristine, without any memory of what has been heard before - or seen before.  An association may arise the second after, but in the seeing itself there is no place for it.

   All these contemplations melt into silence and not knowing.....